The Double Edge Sword: Confidence and Imposter Syndrome

As a leader, is it possible to be confident without having the nagging drag of imposter syndrome? According to Wikipedia, “impostor syndrome, also known as impostor phenomenon or impostorism, is a psychological occurrence in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.” This was an interesting conversation that I recently had with some other executives. Is this an unfortunate by-product of just women executives or is this a more universal conundrum? How can you move past it?

When I was a young woman and a new professional, someone told me that I had confidence that I had not earned. We have all heard the phrase – fake it until to mean it. I know I have done that at times. In order to fake it you have to have some level of knowledge of the system or process in order to try to be successful. That knowledge may come from education but most likely comes from life experience. You have the capability to do the job because of your confidence in yourself. That confidence leads you to get more responsibility and do more with your career. You grow as a leader and your confidence in your abilities grow. At the same time though your anxiety or fear of being found out as a fraud grows as well. You are able to do the job but when someone asks you to put your knowledge into a framework or theory of change document, you suddenly freeze. You have never used a framework. You have just done it. You have earned your confidence. Now what?

I have applied most of my career to figuring things out as I went along. I spent a good part of my career in IT. I had no background in computer science, other than high school computer class where we used BASIC. However, life’s curve sent me into the world of implementing large software systems and managing software developers. I had to learn a completely new language. I had to fake that I knew project management, resource risk mitigation, or how to negotiate client’s expectations with software development realities. After a while, it got easier and I became very good at it. To the point where I thought, IT would be my forever career. Until the day, my boss told me I would never advance any further because I did not have a computer science degree. Suddenly all my confidence was gone. I was told I was an imposter in the field. I had a choice to make. I could stay where I was with the knowledge that my cover was gone or I could move on. I chose the latter.

Side note - what happened next was I moved cross-country, took the role of COO and then became a CEO. While in the other position, the VP role I wanted was given to a man who barely knew how to turn on a computer.

I find this concept of imposterism prevalent among women leaders. Some may say it is not really a thing. Maybe. However, if you are feeling anxious of being a called a fraud while being good at your job, then it is a thing. It is real and can have implications on your career. Most women executives I know struggle on some level with this. I find within the nonprofit world, they tend to be two types – the ‘expert’ and the ‘superperson’. Board members or staff question their knowledge and expertise. A large portion, especially in the non-profit world, become executives after rising through the ranks. They started out as development coordinators or program staff. They have proven themselves through years of slim budgets, over demanding donors, or services that exceeded their capabilities. They have become executive directors or CEOs sometimes through sheer grit, by being that super person who gets it done. However, though they have created budgets, managed services, and dealt with stakeholders, how could they possibly know what they are doing if they do not have a MBA? Their knowledge is diminished and questioned. Suddenly, they feel like a fraud, an imposter in their own role that they have proven to be successful.

How do you get past it? Some I know have gone back to school and gotten that certification, that MBA. Some have internalized it, further destroying their confidence. Some have called bullshit on it. When I took over one organization, the title was Executive Director. I changed it to CEO. When a board member asked why I deserved that title, my reply back was I was dealing with donors who were at the top of their fields in very large companies. They will only talk to another CEO. Besides, I do not deserve it. I earned it.

When imposterism is rearing its ugly head on your capabilities, there are a few things that can be done:

1) Reach back to your community for validation. I have talked before about the importance of community of peers. For executives, especially women, this becomes paramount to getting over imposterism. You need a place that you can go to for validation. A safe space to vent, shout about the unfairness of it all, decry the bullshit. Tap into your resources external to your organization to lift you up from the negativity. Your community is your mirror. They will reflect back to you your value.

2) Remember, work will not love you back. The validation you seek on your abilities will not come from your board chair. It has to come from within. You need to work on your own personal foundation. What are your boundaries? What will you tolerate when people question your expertise? How will you honor your integrity in your knowledge that you know what you are talking about? An executive coach can help. Once you understand what your tolerations are, you can develop your standards, which will then shore up your boundaries. When you lower your standards and boundaries, you are giving permission for further degradation. Use your guideposts to stand tall in your knowledge.

3) Use your voice. You did not deserve to be an executive. You earned it. You know what you are doing and talking about. You have proven your strength and capabilities time after time. You know just as much as your donor or board chair. Tell them so. Amplify who you are with your deeds and carry on.

When I think back on that man who told me I had not earned my confidence I probably could have internalized and stressed about it. I think my actual words were ‘whatever.’ As I have gotten older, I feel like the tension between confidence and imposterism has waned. It is a whisper now instead of a shout. It is a double edge sword but one side is getting duller.