What We Tolerate: The Quiet Things That Steal Our Leadership

Tolerations.

We all have them, those things we put up with but never quite address. In my leadership courses, I talk about tolerations because, as leaders, they accumulate like pebbles in a backpack. One or two might feel manageable, but over time the weight becomes overwhelming. These can be as simple as filing bi-monthly reports you know no one reads, or as complex as avoiding a necessary conversation because you know it will be difficult. So instead, we tolerate. We endure. We carry on.

On a personal level, tolerations chip away at our confidence. We tolerate disrespect because we want to avoid confrontation. We tolerate an ever-growing mental load because we’re exhausted. We tolerate certain behaviors because we are afraid, afraid of conflict, afraid of consequences, afraid of what might unravel if we finally say, “Enough.”

At their core, tolerations are about fear. And fear, whether you’re a leader or a woman navigating a world full of expectations, will make you smaller if you allow it. Society hands us norms like prescriptions: Be likeable. Be agreeable. Don’t be too loud, too assertive, too ambitious. And so, we tolerate microaggressions. We tolerate bullying. We tolerate being dismissed, interrupted, or sidelined. We tolerate “this is just how it is,” even when every part of us knows it shouldn’t be.

But here’s the truth: Tolerations drain us.

They steal the energy we need for leadership, clarity, creativity, and joy. Findings from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology show that ongoing, unresolved stressors (even the “small” ones) reduce cognitive capacity and decision-making effectiveness. In other words, the things we “just put up with” make us less able to lead and less able to be ourselves.

So, let me ask you this: What if you stopped tolerating? What if you put yourself first?

Yes, the feared fallout might happen. There may be tension or disruption. But maybe, just maybe, after the initial chaos, something better emerges. Maybe the knot in your stomach loosens. Maybe you finally sleep through the night. Maybe your boundaries start to take shape. Maybe your energy shifts from managing tolerations to building the life or leadership you actually want.

So, what would it take for you to confront your tolerations?

Where is the line that cannot be crossed? Can you picture it?

As a leader, what does it look like to finally resolve the issue? Is it firing the toxic employee?Shutting down the misogynistic coworker? Claiming your voice at the table you fought so hard to reach?

What are your steps to stop tolerating what drains you?

Because here’s what I know: As women, we put up with too much. Society trains us to be caregivers, mediators, and pleasers. But as we age, and especially as we transition through menopause, our tolerance for nonsense drops dramatically. Our clarity sharpens. Our boundaries rise. And we start to see how much we’ve carried that was never ours to begin with. But we shouldn't have to wait until we are in our mid-life to say enough.

Men rarely tolerate what we do. And it’s time we stopped too.

It is time to release the mental load.

It is time to set boundaries that protect more than they apologize.

It is time to be brave. Braver for yourself than you have ever been for others.

This is the month to choose you.

To stop tolerating.

To reclaim your energy, your voice, and your leadership.

Take some time for reflection to close out the year. Before December ends, write down your top five tolerations, big or small. Then circle one you can resolve in the next 90 days. Start there. Your leadership will thank you.

And if you’re ready to dismantle the tolerations holding you back, then join my coaching program to focus on how to AMPLFIY you by reclaiming your leadership energy and voice.

If you’d like details, book a call now. Your next chapter deserves all of you.

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Onward and upward,

Kathleen