When Time Gets Real: Intentional Leadership for Women Leaders and What Comes Next
- Kathleen
- 3 days ago
- 3 min read
A personal reflection on voice, leadership, and deciding what actually matters in your next chapter
This month is my birth month. Normally, birthdays don’t bother me much. This one, though, has given me pause.
I am turning the age at which my father, his father, and his brother all died. You could explain it away, they smoked, didn’t exercise, didn’t prioritize their health. My mother, on the other hand, lived to 96. Her younger brother is 95. Maybe it’s 50/50. Maybe it’s something else entirely.
What it does, regardless, is make time feel less abstract.
And when time starts to feel finite, the questions shift.
Not “what’s next?” but “what actually matters?
”Not “what should I do?” but “how do I want to spend what’s left?”
When I first started my journey as an executive coach, my coach suggested I create a word cloud. I needed to define what working with women really meant to me. The words that emerged, leadership, integrity, using your voice, seat at the table, confidence, still sit on my desk today.
Those weren’t abstract ideals. They were hard-earned.
I entered the workforce in the early 90s in a male-dominated accounting firm where women were expected to stay in support roles. The few who made partner often felt like they had to distance themselves from other women to survive. Sexism didn’t “exist”, not because it wasn’t there, but because it wasn’t acknowledged.
I had performance reviews changed when I set boundaries.
I was paid less than a man I supervised.
And when I spoke up, I was told, by the head of HR, that I didn’t matter because I was “just a woman.”
I left.
The next role was better, but the message was more subtle: you’re too assertive, too blunt, not soft enough. I learned to adjust, to shape my voice to fit expectations. Eventually, that became exhausting.
Then I had a boss who said something that stuck:
Leadership is not a spectator sport.
You don’t get to sit on the sidelines and be effective. You have to be in it. You have to use your voice, challenge when needed, advocate for your team, and speak up when something isn’t right. You fought to get a seat at the table, and now that you’re there, you have an obligation to lead.
I took that seriously. (Possibly more seriously than he intended.)
From there, I continued to grow, because of, and sometimes despite, the barriers in front of me. I’ve had the privilege of working with incredible people, and I’ve made my share of mistakes along the way.
Recently, I finished Lady Tan’s Circle of Women by Lisa See. There’s a line that stayed with me: no mud, no lotus. Growth doesn’t happen despite hardship, it happens because of it.
That resonates.
Because when I look back, the challenges weren’t detours. They were the work.
Which brings me back to the question I can’t quite shake this month:
How do I want to spend the time I have left, professionally and personally?
I enjoy the role I’m in now. And I also know that, at some point, I will step away. Or at least shift.
What I don’t see changing is this: I want to keep doing work that matters, supporting intentional leadership for women leaders, not by shrinking themselves to fit, but by stepping fully into who they are.
To understand their values and hold their boundaries.
To use their voice without apology.
To influence through trust, not force.
To build cultures where others don’t have to fight the same battles.
And maybe most importantly, to decide for themselves what actually matters.
If you’re at a point where time feels a little more real, whether because of a milestone, a transition, or just a quiet moment, I’d offer you this:
Take a step back and ask yourself:
What am I tolerating that no longer aligns with who I am?
Where am I still editing my voice to fit someone else’s expectations?
What do I want more of in this next chapter, and what needs to change to make space for it?
You don’t have to overhaul everything overnight. But you do have to start being honest with yourself about what matters now, not five years ago, not what others expect, but what matters to you.
That’s the work.
And if you’re ready to be more intentional about how you lead, I’d welcome you into one of my
leadership programs. It’s where we take these questions and actually do something with them.
Because leadership isn’t a spectator sport.
And neither is your life.
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